I was getting ready for work the other day (yes, some of us actually have jobs) when a Jehovah’s Witness knocked at my door. Usually I just cower in the corner somewhere until they go away but on that particular afternoon I decided to humor the poor sumbitch and actually listen to what he had to say. Big mistake. The first words out of his mouth were “I need to be saved,” to which I responded with nothing but a blank and dumbfounded stare. I was shocked. Who did this douchebag think he was? For all he knew I could have been a bible-toting member of the local church, but this guy immediately thought I was a sinner (maybe he knew about this site) and felt the need to confront me about it. I couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy so I did the first thing that popped into my assaulted and reeling brain; I opened the screen door and let my dog out on his ass. Now, for those that don’t know me or haven’t been reading this blog for a while you don’t know that I own two beautiful pit bulls. I have a female that weighs in at about 75 pounds and a male (her puppy) that’s getting bigger by the second. The little guy loves people; not so much mama. Understand that I didn’t literally let my dog out to attack him (I held on to her collar because I’m not particularly keen on going to prison) but opened the door a little bit to scare him. And guess what? It worked. Mr. Obnoxious took to his heels and got the fuck out of dodge so fast he forgot to inform me that if I didn’t shape up and get my act together I would be banished to hell for all eternity (or whatever they believe). I also didn’t get a chance to tell him it was too late.
