I’ve been arrested by female cops a time or two (alcohol is one bitter bitch sometimes) and not once were they as hot as this one. I remember one time I was taking a leak behind a building after a night of partying in Canada (I was 19 and that’s the legal drinking age there. . .woohoo!) when all of a sudden I heard a harsh and demanding voice from behind telling me to “put it away.” When I turned around (my peter still in my hand) I realized it was the female equivalent of Robocop and she was on a bike. Now, when I say “bike” I don’t mean the kind that has an engine and is capable of reaching speeds in excess of 100 mph; I’m talking about the kind with pedals and a goofy little horn. I vaguely recall mumbling something to the effect of “kiss my ass” and as soon as the words escaped my Jack and Coke-laced mouth she was on top of me and tying my hands behind my back with zip-ties. No, I’m not kidding (and no I wasn’t sporting wood). To make what was rapidly turning into the most embarrassing night of my life even worse (did I mention a large group of my friends were watching this whole ordeal?) she then proceeded to walk me about two blocks to a waiting police van. Thankfully I wasn’t the only one to get arrested that night (apparently slapping the cuffs. . .er, zip-ties on people is just as popular as hockey over there), but I guarantee I was the only one to get arrested by a female officer riding a fuckin’ bicycle. Enjoy the pics; I’m off to find my dignity.
